Ratatouille

I walked downstairs this afternoon to find a suspicious looking "throw up" on the floor and all of the dogs crowded around Ivy. I promptly realised that she had caught a mouse and brought it into the living room. All of the other dogs were wanting 'in' on the excitement. She is also playing with it  - because it was still alive. Ivy has always loved playing with her food. Even as a puppy, she used to pick up a piece of kibble, throw it across the room and pounce on it. She still does it and it is rather amusing to watch. Even yesterday, she was playing with an earwig in the garden, throwing it around and chasing it before it met its untimely demise. 

So she is in my living room nudging a mouse around and it is carnage. The dogs are going batty, Baby Marlowe is under my left arm dangling, I am trying to grab Ivy and/or mouse with my right hand and get them outside the back door. It was proving rather challenging with all the other dogs circling in for the kill. I managed to get Ivy outside and tried to prize the mouse out from her mouth, I was so surprised it was still alive. Well, at least she has a soft mouth, all that gundog training has paid off... She drops it, but obviously Darcy grabbed it straight away and killed it. (Evil bastard) But I am somewhat relieved as hopefully the poor thing has been put out of its misery. By now Marlowe is screaming from all the commotion and hungry. He is always hungry. Taking a deep breath now all the drama is over and the mouse is no longer in the house, I give up even bothering to try and stop any of them from trying to eat it. I get a bottle and feed him in the garden. Darcy is still guarding the mouse. 

So I am sitting there with this wet dead thing starring at me, it is sprawled out on the floor with Darcy looking impressed with herself that she has the prize and nobody else has it. I'm really hoping that she doesn't eat it. Except it is not a mouse, it is actually a rat. Fat tail, long legs and snout. A dead, wet rat now lying in my garden. Nice. Well, coming into my garden it really didn't have much of a chance. 

I sit for a moment and reflect upon my life. My day wouldn't be complete without something mildly ridiculous like this. Oh and there is another hole in the garden. Bastards. 

Happy Easter!

Today is Easter Sunday. Happy Easter everyone, I hope the Easter bunny brought you lots of chocolates. I have refrained from chocolate/sugar for the past few days. Mainly because eating five biscuits every time I had a cup of tea was getting a bit excessive. (I drink a lot of tea!) I also have more of a belly podge than I did after Marlowe was born - oops! All I want to eat is carbs and sugar. Slash everything, the hunger is real.

Today I plucked my eyebrows. I know, impressive. But in all seriousness I am relieved, I look less like a trashy version of Frida Khalo and more like a normal human being. Although, I could audition for the cast of the 'Walking Dead' without any special effects or make-up at the moment. I’ve mastered the gormless look, the aimless stumbling and groaning too. Speaking of masters, I applied for one. Specifically the MA Shakespeare and Education at the Birmingham University. I also applied for a scholarship too. Not because I am academically smart enough, simply because I am poor. I actually wrote half of my entrance essay about three days after Marlowe was born. Full of adrenaline and going stir crazy from being in hospital for so long. I needed something productive to do. What I wrote wasn’t actually too bad. Perhaps that is the best approach to academia; spurt some clever sounding crap when mentally challenged/exhausted. I’m sure the best essay I wrote for my degree was after a few too many glasses of wine. God do I miss wine.

I don’t know what is worse, being in lockdown or being stuck in hospital. Probably lockdown. At least in hospital I got brought food. Lockdown is painful, mainly because I miss my mum and dad. Everything else I can cope with. Even with 8 dogs currently. Although the last few days the weather has been glorious and life is always good when the sun is shining.

Don’t get me started on the Tiger King. Possibly the best thing to come out of lockdown? Mainly because of all the stupid memes and jokes that have come out of it. My god is it funny. They are all quite frankly, bat shit crazy. Dare I mention bats at the moment. The best meme I have heard is “Carol Bat-skin” instead of Carole Baskin.  

Life is good. It’s been very up and down with lockdown but I have a lot to be thankful for. The dogs have been good for the past few days. I mean, they have only chewed a hole in the wall and dug a few holes in the garden. It’s all fine though, because we can just blame Carole Baskin.

When Coffee is Life

I know, I know. I am one of those awful people that keep those money making, tax dodging b******s in business. I love to go and get coffee. Since lockdown, obviously, a daily excursion to get coffee is a long and distant memory. In reality it is probably saving me a small fortune but I do miss a decent coffee. Today arrived my Starbucks coffee pods for my Nespresso machine (Thanks Claire!) and life is now complete. 

I am not going to lie, I am absolutely shattered. Marlowe is five weeks old now and a remarkably easy baby. He sleeps a lot, eats all the time and only cries when I change him. Any form of self care is clearly distressing. I do hope he isn't like that as a teenager... I find it almost impossible to "sleep when baby sleeps". Mainly because I am far too house proud (not that anyone is coming to visit currently) but a messy house just drives me crazy. Also, with seven dogs, we are on a perpetual cleaning mission. 

A few years ago I did buy a Roomba, which is a robot vacuum cleaner. Possibly the best thing I ever bought. On the app, I even named it. For a while I called it Demi. I would get alarming notifications from the app saying that 'Demi was stuck on the edge of a cliff', 'Demi needed attention' or that 'Demi needed recharging'. I did find this rather amusing. But my point is, you should buy one. 

Although you do hear of the horror stories of the Roomba driving over some poo. Has it happened to me? Yes. It has, last summer. My god it was awful. I had to take the whole damn thing apart, clean every inch of it and when I finally put it back together, it didn't work. Don't even go there with the carpet.

About five years ago, when I had the lovely Labrador. I remember coming home to him having a bout of horrendous, and I mean horrendous diarrhoea where he had literally shat everywhere. It was so bad I had to rip up the carpet. Remind me again why do I have dogs?

Anyway, all is going well, except for the sheer exhaustion. Who knew you could literally pass out with tiredness? At least I have my posh, over priced coffee to keep me going for now. 

02/04/2020