Lockdown Loonies

This week has mainly consisted of unsubscribing to my emails, being thrown up on and avoiding my neighbours. I even descaled the kettle, amongst other semi-pointless tasks. 

Last night I watched ‘Beat the Chaser’ and I kid you not, a question about Nobelium came up! I could have won £5,000. We shall omit the fact that I would be out on the first round because I didn’t know what Latin word for some obscure species of bird was. I find the fact that one of the quiz masters has nicknamed himself “The Dark Destroyer” utterly hilarious and desperately inappropriate. It sounds like a terrifying porn star name. Let alone "The Vixen". IVT needs to calm down.

I think self-isolation is turning us all into “lockdown loonies”, which sounds quite fun and could become some kind of sketch show, but in reality it is as boring as Big Brother. (Please use Geordie accent) Day 456 in the Big Brother house… Jess is dusting the lightbulbs…

Moving on. One amusing habit Roux has gotten into this week is trying to take off my trousers whilst I am sat on the toilet. Every evening I give Roux my clothes and he takes it off to bed. He always has a small collection of clothes which he often wanders around the house with. I have to say it is quite endearing really if not slightly odd, particularly if he is mooching around with my pants. 

I have finished Act 2 of Julius Caesar, which consisted of the following:

Calpurnia: (Caesar’s wife) “oh no, please don’t go to work, I had a bad dream, a terrible omen of death, blood and murder.” 

Caesar: “I really should go”

Calpurnia: “I know I am just a useless woman but please stay home”

Caesar: “Well...”

Calpurnia: “Beware. Death. Murder. Betrayal.”

Caesar: (sigh) “Okay dear”

Enter Decius Brutus.

Decius Brutus: “Don’t be a looser, go to work. They are gonna give you a shiny crown.”

Caesar: “Okay then”

Death. Murder. Betrayal. The End.

You are welcome. I saved you a few hours. 

P.S. I am still pissed off about the plate.

May 2020 - Marlowe is 10 weeks old!